BS’D
Only Love Can Break Your Heart
Yesterday, the third day of the month Tamuz, marked the 20th anniversary of the passing of one of the greatest figures in both Jewish and world history. The Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson ob’m.
This past 3rd of Tamuz had very little to do with the way I normally relate to this time of year.
As the day was nearing an end, the anguish, helplessness and anger based upon the news of our three boys – reached new boundaries. My davening throughout the day was a mixture of mumbling and crying, perhaps ignoring what my heart really wanted to say and ask of G-d. It was nearly 5pm, I decided I had to go to the mikve. It is a minhag (ritual) to immerse oneself in purifying waters on the day of the passing of the righteous. The Rebbe’s 20th yahrtzeit… what else could I do right now? In an attempt to rise above the inevitable confusion and darkness, which are still lingering on, I grabbed a towel and the key to the local mikva here in Efrat, in search for a few moments of solace.
As I drew closer, I couldn’t make any sense of what my ears were hearing. It was a sound of a large group of men, crowded in the mikve… and all this on a late Tuesdayafternoon? This made no sense. Walking in, I suddenly saw a sea of exhausted eyes. It was a group of chayalim, soldiers who have been stationed here for the past few weeks. These boys (yes ‘boys’, they all looked like they weren’t a day older than 20) have been working endlessly to find our three boys, and are now continuing to search for the murderers who are still believed to be in the area north of Chevron, just a 15 minute drive from our home in Efrat. 15 minutes…
These soldiers have been sleeping in an empty building in Efrat, with no showers. So they all piled into the small mikve complex, waiting on line to use the showers there. The shower area was almost pitch black, as they didn’t know where the light, which runs through the shower area, was located. As soon as I turned it on for them they saw me, wondering what I was doing there at that time, possibly a tad embarrassed from the whole scene.
I quickly asked them if they needed anything else besides the lights. Towels, shampoo, soap? ‘Hakol Sababa Achi, Toda’, ‘everything is great bro, thanks’, they smiled graciously.
And here I thought I came to purify myself by immersing in the mikva water. The site before my eyes was more powerful and purifying than anything I knew of. A group of very tired and physically dirty soldiers who have been risking their lives for the past few weeks – IN THE NAME OF AM YISRAEL IN THE LAND OF ISRAEL.
But what continues to strike me deepest is that these young brave warriors have no idea how holy they are. I sure don’t either, but they definitely don’t.
I was immediately brought back to a Shabbos table I recently had the privilege of being part of in Cape town, just a few weeks ago, which drove home this point in the most profound way. I was in South Africa for a very inspiring conference, and had the privilege of dining my Friday Night Shabbos meal by a very sweet local family, who was also hosting a young man named Rom. Rom is an Israeli who is currently motor biking his way up from South Africa to Israel. Yes, I couldn’t believe it either. With an Israeli flag on the bike’s tail, a mandolin and minimal clothing, Rom has been traveling the world. While sharing with us a bunch of his collected tales from his recent adventures, he then stopped and changed gears. Rom began telling those around the table that he comes from a completely secular kibbutz near Netanya. He kept on talking about how he, his family and his friends don’t believe in anything, and keep absolutely nothing when it comes to religious observance.
The rest of us around the table couldn’t hear of it anymore. I interrupted him in the middle of his speaking, asking him if he was in the army. He proudly yet very discreetly shared that he was in a very elite and dangerous unit for nearly 4 years. ‘You mean to tell me that you were willing to sacrifice your own body for the Holy Land on a daily basis for four years’ I began crying out to him, ‘but you feel you are not holy because you are not classified by the orthodox standards as an observant Jew?’ And a small tear began to form in his right eye.
He had no idea how holy he was.
The truth is we don’t know how holy we are either.
We have very little sense of who we are.
The moment we begin to forget, we are temporary reminded when tragedy strikes.
And boy has tragedy stricken us these days.
For some very confusing reason, we only remember what we are made of when we feel our hearts break open.
We are so beyond angry, upset and frustrated. Despite our desire to pour out the wrath of heaven onto our enemies, our heart is so broken knowing that nothing will bring home Gil-ad, Eyal and Naftali.
As friends have begun to share and seek comfort from one another, the same words kept coming out of each other’s mouths. ‘I can’t explain it, my heart is literally broken. I feel like my heart broke’.
I was immediately reminded by a beautiful song written by Neil Young, ‘Only Love Can Break Your Heart’, and things began to sink in.
How is it that three boys, who were alive for approximately another 10-15 minutes from the moment of being kidnapped… how is it that their story (which is really our story) has broken our hearts in such a traumatic way? What is it which Eyal, Gil-ad and Naftali have forced us to return to?
Whether we like to admit it or not, we are a people of love. Many articles have been written in the past few days, people pouring out their hearts in such a courageous way. Some of these articles call upon Am Yisrael to focus more on the current unity rather than the payback. As much as it’s hard for me to admit – these calls comes from love. However, in the heart of the matter, calls for revenge – can come from love as well. Once the love becomes the focus of it all, we will be able to permanently take care of our enemies.
Master of the World (who I have such a hard time asking anything of these days), when someone thinks differently than me – how do I remember they still love me and that I really do love them? How do I see holiness in a room of soldiers wherever they might be?
What a shame it would be if we quickly got back to our daily routines, forgetting the light which these precious boys brought down on Am Yisrael. These three boys had the unfortunate merit to crack open our hearts – reminding us who we are and what we are made of.
We are made of love.
It’s the love for these three families, a love developing so quickly and naturally, which defines our true beings. What wouldn’t any of us do to be the smallest source of comfort for Bat Galim, Iris, Racheli and their families?
But how can you love someone who you know so little of? Maybe it’s simply because love has very little to do with knowledge. How does one know when it is their heart which is breaking open? When you don’t know how to think or act, and all your left with is simply ‘being’ – it is your heart that has broke. Love is ‘Being’.
If your heart is broken… turn off all social media for a few seconds.
Embrace this moment which rarely rises upon the surface.
Just for a second.
Let yourself feel the pain of the brokenness and as hard as it may be, thank the One above for being part of a people who are love.
Because only love can break your heart.
Shlomo Katz
July 2nd, 2014
Efrat