Phyllis Shallman – Create Financial Unity in Your Relationship

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Are you and your partner on the same page about money?

“No” is a common answer to that question, often with serious consequences. One study found that financial disagreements were the leading predictor of divorce.¹

And they seem hard to fix. A research paper published on the National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine website proposes that “compared to non-money issues, marital conflicts about money were more pervasive, problematic, and recurrent, and remained unresolved, despite including more attempts at problem solving.”²

Fortunately, creating financial unity with your partner is possible. Here are some ideas to bridge the gap with your partner and start working with your money as a team.

Know thyself (and thy partner)
What would you do if you stumbled upon $1 million? Your answer will help you discover your financial values. For instance, if you would use your new-found cash to create your dream business, you might be a natural investor.

But here are two bigger questions: Do you know your partner’s financial values? And how do they align with yours?

The only way to answer those questions is to start conversations with your partner about money. Ask them how finances were handled in their home growing up and what they want money to do for them. Then, look for a middle ground and develop a set of goals you can work towards together.

Discover how money works together
Those first awkward conversations might reveal an uncomfortable truth— if either one of you has any clue what you’re doing with your finances! Ignorance about how money works is the farthest thing from bliss in a relationship. Without knowledge, it’s impossible to set realistic goals and achieve them. You’ll both find yourselves wasting money on what makes you happy in the moment and delaying achieving your goals.

But when you discover how money works as a couple, two magical things happen.

First, you get a sense of what you can accomplish as a team. Suddenly, there’s a vision for your future together that you can work towards.

Second, you notice that you’re communicating more. You swap knowledge, insight, hopes and dreams with each other. You talk about your ideal life together and how to achieve it. That alone is a game-changer for any relationship!

Meet with a professional
It’s impossible to overemphasize the importance of working on your relationship and your finances with professionals. Communicating your feelings and having productive conversations isn’t always easy! A professional counselor can give you and your partner the emotional tools you need to transform constant conflict into cooperative problem solving.

Once you have communication squared away, meet with a licensed and certified financial professional. They’ll provide guidance and insights that can help you make decisions with your money. You might be surprised by the level of peace that appears in your relationship once the stress of your finances is alleviated!

While these steps appear easy on paper, in practice they might push you outside your comfort zone. That’s a good thing! Working together as a couple to create financial unity has the potential to grow you as a person and deepen your relationship with your partner. Start having conversations about your financial values and see where your path leads you!

¹ “This common behavior is the No. 1 predictor of whether you’ll get divorced,” Catey Hill, MarketWatch Jan 10, 2018, https://www.marketwatch.com/story/this-common-behavior-is-the-no-1-predictor-of-whether-youll-get-divorced-2018-01-10#:~:text=Smart%20money%20says%20this%20argument%20could%20lead%20to%20divorce.&text=%E2%80%9CFinancial%20disagreements%20did%20predict%20divorce,together%2C%E2%80%9D%20the%20authors%20concluded

² “For Richer, for Poorer: Money as a Topic of Marital Conflict in the Home,” Lauren M. Papp, E. Mark Cummings, and Marcie C. Goeke-Morey, NCBI, Dec 6, 2011, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3230928/

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