The Jewish Link

Almost anyone who’s ever gone out on a date has some sort of “date story” about the nightmares they encountered when meeting someone for the purpose of spending their lives together.  You’ll find dates who got arrested, ones who fell asleep, and everything in between.  Perhaps my favorite date story is one that didn’t happen to me.

A friend who lived in Brooklyn had a cousin come in from “out of town,”which for the purposes of this article shall geographically refer to any locale with fewer than six pizza shops per capita and only four shuls to choose from on your block.  She was to go out with a fellow from the Brooklyn area so she traveled into New York to make it easier for him.

As they waited in her cousin’s second-floor apartment, the time arrived for her date to pick her up, but he didn’t show up.  After a few minutes, they heard a car unceremoniously honk outside.  Now, as it was Brooklyn, a car honking was not uncommon, but after a few more tootles, my friend went down to the car.  The guy behind the wheel rolled down the window and called out to him, “Yeah, I’m here to pick up Suri. Is she ready?”  Stunned, my friend walked upstairs and told her this was, indeed, her date for the evening.

Suri was floored by the man’s pure callousness and lack of respect for her.  “If he can’t even get out of the car to come get me,” she said, “I’m not going.”  Her cousin dutifully brought the message back down to the waiting young man.  “Suri says she isn’t coming down.”

Perturbed, the young man smacked the steering wheel and said, “Oh, come on! They ALWAYS say that!”

While we may chuckle at this poor fellow’s oblivion to what he was doing wrong, we should realize that we’re not all that different.  Albert Einstein is quoted as saying: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.” I noticed that in real life, we do just that.

When my girls were younger, I had an epiphany one day when one asked the other a question.  Her sister answered with a generic reply, but the questioner, looking for precise information began to get annoyed.  She raised her voice and asked THE EXACT SAME QUESTION!

I asked her, “Sweetie, if you didn’t like the answer she gave you, why did you ask the same question again?  If you would clarify your question, and say, “OK, but can you tell me…” perhaps you would get what you want.  This way, she will just respond as she did before.”

I thought about this during Sefira, when I counted the same way I have counted for years, making my way to forty-nine nights, but not really feeling a difference.  Shouldn’t something have happened?  Shouldn’t I have seen some result after another year of counting?  But that’s just it – it was “another year of counting.”  My Shemona Esrai isn’t much different.  Do I think about what I’m saying or just expect that saying the words is enough?

We often feel that if we go through the motions of something, a result will magically appear from some external force and we will receive a great benefit.  What we often fail to realize is that we can’t change the world; we can only change our reactions to it.  If we don’t get what we hoped, then we need to change how we go about our attempts to get it, or at least our expectations of what we need to get.

One of the most useful products in the “home handyman’s toolkit” is WD-40.  As they say, all you need is duct tape and WD-40.  If something moves, duct tape it.  If it won’t, use WD-40.  Do you know why it’s called WD-40?  Because it took the staff of Rocket Chemical Company forty tries to get the Water Displacement formula worked out.   Phillips 76 got its name because the drillers came up dry 75 times in 75 other places before striking oil and finding success.

What if they had kept making batches of WD-1?  Or if Phillips tried drilling in the same hole time and time again, getting more and more upset that they hadn’t struck oil already?  Do you think we’d have heard of these companies?  Of course not.

There’s a lesson in that.  If we meet with disappointment, we can and should recognize that it might not have been meant to be.  At the same time, that’s not to say we shouldn’t try again in a different way.  Disappointments may just be G-d’s way of saying, “You need to try something else.”

There’s a great quote that I’ve used as my signature on my e-mails that encapsulates this idea.  “When things don’t go according to plan, change the plan.”  Not to would just be insane.

 By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz

• Normalize any fear and concern. Assure your children that being frightened after such events is just part of being human.
•  It is probably futile to try to hide or insulate your child from what has happened. News today is readily accessible and rapidly disseminated even among children
•  While commiserating with your child that the recurrence of scary events in such close proximity is frightening, cast it in the context of the breadth of humanity and time with the accurate assurances that tragedy and misfortune remains the exception not the rule.
•  Pre school aged children do not understand the concept of “rare” and should be told unequivocally that they are safe and that such horror will not occur to them. If applicable, assure them that these events took place far away from their home despite the immediacy of images and pictures.
•  Since these recent events involved the death of children and grave injuries, it may be advisable to reiterate that death and infirmity are more typically and normally associated with aging and the elderly. This type of clarification is generally relevant only to children 6 and older who can understand this aspect of life.
•  Limit your children’s exposure to media coverage and viewing that is known to only exacerbate such horror and fear. This is particularly important with regard to the tornados for which live and frightening footage is readily available.
•  Do not be surprised if your child seems unfazed by this event but manifests or expresses fears at a later date. There is not uncommonly a dormant period following exposure to such potentially destabilizing occurrences.
• Elementary school aged children are often preoccupied with the facts or details of such tragedy. This is age-typical and refraining from a tempered and accurate response leaves them prone to more scary rumors and distortions.
• It is not uncommon for children to fear inclement weather especially accompanied by thunder and lightning. Such children may be particularly horrified by the events in Oklahoma. If such fears recur, address them promptly before they become entrenched.
• Children who are generally beset by anxiety or fears are also more at risk for an adverse response. All of these children deemed more at risk should be carefully observed for changes in their mood, behavior and even play.

We hope this advice is of assistance to you and please feel free to contact OHEL’s Rapid Response Trauma team for more assistance. We can be reached at 1800-603-OHEL

 Dr. Norman Blumenthal, Ph.D.

OHEL TRAUMA Services Meets the Immediate Needs of Individuals, Families and Communities Facing Trauma.  We offer Experienced Trauma Specialists, Provide Comfort and Professional Counseling, Resources and Referrals.

Sangria

Take an abundance of fruits and chop them finely (cherries, peaches, apples, oranges etc.) In a big jug or bowl throw in the chopped fruits together with a stick of cinnamon (can substitute with other spices if desired). Add a bottle of white or red wine (dry or semi-dry), a cup of orange juice, some liquid sugar (according to your taste) and a dash of brandy (you can also swap this for orange liquor or cognac). The wine itself does not need to be very expensive, the opposite, use a young, refreshing wine such as the Mount Hermon Red.

Sangria can also be made with a sparkling wine such as Gilgal Brut, or for those who like it a little sweeter, Golan Moscato, for an added twist to the cocktail.

If wanting to surprise your guests with a more unusual drink, Debbi Sion, head of the training and education department at the Golan Heights winery in Israel recommends two more fun and easy to prepare cocktails to be drunk under the stars:

Merlot -Tea Punch

In a deep glass mix together 60ml of Golan Merlot, 20ml of dark rum, 40 ml or Peach ice tea, 20ml of orange juice and 10ml of lemon juice. Add lots of ice and garnish with a ginger star.

Summer Blanc

  Fill a deep glass with small melon balls. Poor 60 ml of Yarden Sauvignon Blanc mixed with 10ml of lemon juice over the melon. If feeling like splurging, scatter some violet leaves over the drink.

 By Anna Harwood

We are very spoiled here in Los Angeles. Within footsteps we have an abundance of kosher markets, countless kosher restaurants offering food for almost any palate. You can choose which mikveh to visit with a handful of choices in a matter of a few miles. Generally speaking, in the United States a community is lucky if it has even one Jewish day school. In Los Angeles we have tens of schools ranging for every age and level of observance. Not sure what synagogue to attend? You can literally spend months, Shabbat after Shabbat, trying out new places every week all within a matter of blocks. In the U.S.A., other than possibly New York, it doesn’t get better than to be a Jew in Los Angeles—and we even have better weather than New York! So perhaps we could even rank first among all as the top place in the United States to live as Jew. However, as most of us know, and as I see in my private practice over and over again, this luxury of living such a full and expansive Jewish life comes with one major complication: the price tag.

Families who wish to live a Jewish life and raise children in a Jewish context—be it a Jewish school or Jewish camp—must reach deep within their pockets to make it happen. For many, this takes a massive toll on the stability of marriage and family and the ability of schools and camps to financially accommodate their communities. Among divorced couples, financial stresses and pressures rank among the top reasons for fighting and eventual break-up, and our Jewish community is not immune to this. While discussing this with one of my clients currently going through divorce, he made an astute comment. He said, “A religious (defined by keeping kosher, sending kids to Jewish schools and camps) Jewish couple or family earning $100,000 a year is equal to a non-religious or non-Jewish family earning $50,000 a year. The money simply doesn’t go far due to the additional financial burden affiliated with expenses for Jewish living. It can be almost impossible to make ends meet.”

This time of year is particularly stressing for Jewish families. At this time many people are going through the financial aid process for the following school year while also having to make arrangements to pay for summer activities. I see an increase in arguments between spouses which always leads to an increase in general dis-ease in the family’s home. But these things are not new, and chances are if you are reading this you may personally be impacted by similar challenges. The question becomes how do we as a community work to alleviate some of these financial burdens? I’ve seen some amazing work done by schools and camps in offering financial aid. I know the Jewish Federation of Los Angeles helps to support Jewish schools and camps through various programs making it easier on families. However, I recently had another idea, and it involves truly seeing if people—specifically our communities’ business establishments—are willing to step up to the plate. After all, there are hundreds of thousands of Jews supporting businesses up and down Pico, Fairfax, LaBrea and all of the other heavily Jewish neighborhoods. Perhaps one or more of them would consider helping out if they don’t already do so.

Here is what I propose: I’d like to see every single kosher market, Judaica store, kosher restaurant, and other shops up and down our major Jewish streets where the Jewish community supports commerce to commit 3% of their gross earnings towards the Jewish day school or camp of their choosing as a donation to support the financial assistance programs at those respective places—without raising prices for goods and services. I’d like to see our consciousness here in L.A. be one of understanding that raising Jewish children is indeed a community affair and that in order for families to be able to do so with less financial stress our neighborhood establishments can step up and support us just as we support them as patrons. I’d like to see a sign in the window of each establishment that says, “We donate 3% of your purchase to (fill in the blank) financial aid program to support our community’s families.” If you are the owner of such an eatery, shop, or market, I’d like to know you are doing it so that I can shout it from the mountain top and let everyone know. If we are going to be able to continue to raise Jewish families without being crushed by the financial demands of doing so then we must, as a community as a whole, support one another.

I look forward to receiving emails from readers and business owners letting me know about signs going up in windows up and down Pico, Fairfax, and the rest about the 3% solution of helping one-another. Establishments who prove they are doing so will be recognized in future columns. We do have the power as a community to lessen the burden. My email is mia@bhcounselingcenter.com and your comments are always welcome. Wishing you a successful end to the school year and mazal tov on any graduates in your families!

By: Mia Adler Ozair

Mia Adler Ozair, MA, LPCC, NCC is a licensed clinical psychotherapist and educator with a private practice in Beverly Hills, California. Mia is licensed in both California and Illinois and she can be reached through her website at www.bhcounselingcenter.com or followed on Twitter @MiaAdlerOzair.

You may not know it, but dental cavities are the most common childhood disease, with more than half of children affected!  Despite this surprising fact, for most children the disease is very preventable.  This article hopes to give some helpful educational advice and tips to help you do all you can to prevent dental disease in your child.

Brushing with fluoridated toothpaste

A walk through the oral care aisle in the pharmacy can be very overwhelming with so many products claiming to prevent cavities!  However, the best tools are something we are all familiar with, an old fashioned toothbrush and toothpaste.  Many scientific studies have shown that the easiest and most effective way to prevent cavities in our children is routine and well-performed brushing with fluoride toothpaste.  Covering all sides of the teeth in fluoride toothpaste daily provides a steady defense against the cavity process.  For this to be effective, we need to be confident that the brushing is being performed properly.  Therefore, we encourage parents to start brushing their children’s teeth as soon as they come in, and continue to help their children until they have the ability to brush well on their own, usually around age 7 or when they can tie their own shoelaces.

Fluoride

Like any other medicine, fluoride has recommended dosages that allow for the maximum benefit with minimum risk.  Too much fluoride may result in a condition called fluorosis, which shows up as a white speckled appearance on the adult teeth.  For this reason, different amounts of toothpaste are recommended for different age children to ensure that the optimal dose will always be given.  These recommended amounts of toothpaste are calculated with the assumption that all the paste will be swallowed, which is unlikely and gives a large margin of safety.  Once a child can reliably spit out toothpaste, the amount placed on the brush is not as critical.  The following pictures illustrate the proper toothpaste amounts and proper tooth brushing positioning based on age:

The cause of cavities

Many people think that cavities are caused by sugar, but they really are caused by bacteria!  That’s right, cavities are an infectious disease!  Babies are not born with cavity causing bacteria, therefore it is important for parents to limit the amount of saliva sharing activities such as spoon sharing during the early months of a child’s life.  Parents should also be careful not to place a pacifier in their own mouth to hold or clean it.  Once colonized, these bacteria cause cavities by converting sugar into acid, which dissolves the teeth.  After each instance of sugar entering the mouth, an acidic “cavity causing” environment lasts for about 30 minutes.

Diet

With this in mind, another important preventive factor is being careful about sugar in a child’s diet.  Frequent encounters with sugary foods or drinks keep the mouth in a “cavity causing” environment for lengthy amounts of time which place the child at much higher risk for cavities.  While it’s not realistic or fair to expect sugar to be removed from the diet, we recommend that sugary snacks or drinks only be given with a meal and for a limited amount of time.  Cheese, fruits, vegetables, water, and plain milk are excellent between meal snacks that are actually good for the teeth!

Sealants

The most common site for cavities is on the pits and grooves of the teeth; these are called “pit and fissure” cavities.  The cavity causing bacteria are able to easily find shelter in these areas and release acid without much difficulty.  For many years, the only way to fight these cavities was keeping the grooves clean and using fluoride.  Fortunately, dentistry has a much more powerful tool these days called “sealants.”  These sealants are a liquid plastic material that is flowed into the pits and grooves of teeth then hardened with a blue light.  The grooves are then protected from bacteria, thereby preventing the most common form of decay.  Sealants are usually only applied to permanent molar teeth, once at age six and again at age twelve.  They are checked at each cleaning and reapplied if needed, ensuring constant protection.  Since their introduction, sealants have drastically reduced the amount of “pit and fissure” decay.  It is important to note that modern sealant materials are BPA free.

 Trauma

Injuries to the mouth and teeth are fairly common in healthy and active children.  At first, these injuries can appear very serious and scary, as the mouth has many blood vessels and will swell easily.  However, most of these injuries will heal fully and quickly without any intervention from a dentist.  There are three instances when immediate treatment is necessary to save the tooth:

1. An adult tooth is knocked out

2. A tooth is very loose due to injury

3. A child cannot bite down fully due to injury

If any of the above occur, a dentist should be seen right away and will be happy to accommodate you.  Any other tooth injury still warrants a visit to dentist for an evaluation, but can wait until a convenient time.

Conclusion

We hope this guide gives you some helpful information and food for thought.  Our main goal is to prevent children (and future adults) from experiencing this disease by education, prevention, and early intervention.  A good early foundation associated with positive experiences sets up a child for a lifetime of healthy, fear-free dental care.  We are committed to being engaged with the community to achieve this goal, so please let us know how we can help you!

 By: Dr. Michael Kleinman

Dr. Michael Kleinman practices Pediatric Dentistry in Beverly Hills and Santa Monica.  He firmly believes that almost all dental disease is avoidable and enjoys teaching parents about what preventative measures should be taken at home, including: proper oral hygiene, diet, and what to do in a dental emergency.  He can be reached at mkleinmandds@gmail.com, (310) 657-6434, or online at: http://www.beverlyhillspedo.com.